7:44 p.m. - 2009-11-14
The Letter
Here is the letter, un-edited, uncensored
Rocki
Hello Sweetheart! First I want you to know how good it felt just to hear your voice on the phone the other day. Just knowing that you're safe and healthy let me know that the Big Fella does hear me when I pray. Wut fucked me up was hearin that stress in your voice. You said you were tired of life. That shit really crushed me because you were so full of life, just a real strong woman and for you to sound so defeated just fucked me up Becca. I made alotta bad decisions in my life and I truely think that splittin up with you was definately one of the worst. I feel partially responsible for you feeling the way you said you were because I know that I could've been the man to make you happy instead of you out there going through whatever it is, which is part of the reason I'm going through my bullshit as well and ain't happy at all. You know?
How in the hell did you just up and leave me the way you did?! Just fuckin skipped town on me?! You didn't come and tell me you were leavin, you just up and left! I knew I missed you but I didn't actually realize how much until I heard your voice the other day. The last time I saw you, when we went to lunch, I could tell that I missed you then. The real reason I left was because I knew I could be the man you wanted and deserved but I just wasn't ready. You were so much of a good woman to me and I just didn't want to continue to do you wrong Ma.
For the record, I wawsn't fucking Trinh while we were together. I didn't even meet her until damn near the end of September and we hadn't fucked in a long time before that, at least a month Becca. But you knew I was fuckin other bitches when we start fuckin around. We talked about it that day I was taking a shower and you stood on the toilet and stuck your head over the shower door and we talked about it. You said "you knew, you wasn't fuckin stupid but you didn't care as long as I brought my ass home and didn't disrespect you with it by doin the shit in your face." I respected you for that and I did what you asked of me. It got to the point where I would hustle all day and come home to you, wasn't fuckin with nobody but you Becca. I was gettin too attached, my feelins were gettin deep.
I was fallin in love...I wasn't ready for the commitment so I picked a false fight with you and left. I'm sorry and I wish you really could find it in your heart to forgive me Ma. I miss you so much and if I never told you this before, I love you. Which is why I went through hell these past couple weeks tryna contact you. I really wish you hadn't of moved away without letting me know first Becca. You just really been on the top of my thinker lately.
I can't believe you've lost so much weight that's crazy. Send me some new pictures of you. You better not have lost my ass and titties gurl! :p I'm gonna end this scribe here so I can get it out to you so you can have my address and shit. Make sure you never lose contact with me again. I don't give a fuck who you're with or who I'm with, it doesn't matter! I always want you to be a part of my life Becca, Get wit me, like yesterday Ma!
Love Ya Boo,
Mel
Do you used to remember you use to call me that all the time? "Your Boo"? When I call or write don't call me that other name no more. Call me M**, J**** or your boo! (Okay so I didn't want to put his gov't name out there....but that's the only edit)
